Fear – Self Sabotage – 9th October 2009
How I feel today is slightly fearful. Sabotaging thoughts have been with me recently because of the questions – “why does anybody want to change”? “Do people want to change”? Change is the only definite thing that happens and most humans instinctively avoid it. I had a great conversation yesterday and a good friend made me remember how throughout my changing process I have gone through the actions of trying to make people change, forcing my beliefs and experiences onto them in the hope they will change also. Maybe I have just wanted some others to come along with me on this journey inward, maybe it’s the egos fear of loneliness trying to keep hold of me for as long as possible, Clinging onto all negative thoughts so it doesn’t die completely.
I ask myself – if unconditional love is total acceptance, acceptance of every single thing, acceptance of the starvation we are causing, acceptance of the poverty, acceptance of the murderers, the rapists, the paedophiles, the drunks, the abusers in any form, total acceptance of all that is. Then without that acceptance nothing can change because if we don’t accept completely we actually fuel the negative drama by giving it life. This causes pain to run through our veins and become our own reality. If that is the case I ask myself “why wasn’t we told?”
If the only person you can truly change is yourself and I am definitely in alignment with that concept then I ask myself what is the reason for sharing my life experiences with the world. What is my reason? I know firsthand that you cannot change people unless they are ready to change. Why would I really want to change you if you do not want it for you? I love you because I love myself. My reasoning is not so I can make lots of money because I have now realised the game of commerce and seen what it has created. I realised money is not life, it is a human created game and I no longer need to do everything to acquire it. In fact money has taken me away from my true self many times in the past.
My reason for writing now is because it feels right. It’s very hard to give a reason in words and as feelings are our true language I can only share that it just feels right, it feels easy and enjoyable and is flowing freely. I intend to continue this journey within myself to explore the many new dimensions that have opened in the mind for me to explore.
Another reason to express myself at this stage of my journey is for me to confront my fears, when you confront your fears you realise there is no fear. To most people confronting fear is very scary and should be avoided at all costs, but in fact it’s the total opposite. Fear is your friend and guide. I have fears of sharing my thoughts and experiences with the world because “who am I”? “Why would you want to read about what I have done”? “Why would you even care about what I can share with you about inner discovery”?
My fear allows the ego to put thoughts of self doubt into my mind, the ego wants you to suffer, not succeed or feel loved because that’s the only way itself can survive. It’s the only way the ego self can keep its identity. As you confront those thoughts and go to the edge of your comfort zones with action you realise there is no fear. It’s at that point you feel more alive than ever before.
At that point you allow unconditional love to blossom and grow. We have all experienced this feeling when we confront our comfort zones. Maybe without realising, maybe only for a short time but we all know that feeling. It can happen when we move from one place to another, if we leave a relationship that wasn’t serving us or change jobs, or if we snowboard down a mountain. It’s very uncomfortable to lean down a mountain on a piece of smooth shiny board but if you don’t lean into your fear you actually have no control what so ever over the board. If you don’t confront the fear of the mountain you actually hurt yourself and create more pain than you could imagine, especially on the coccyx. (Believe me when I say its excruciating pain)
As I write my story I know deep at my core it can only allow others to shine their true light. The ego fear thoughts come in and say yes but you have done horrible things on your journey through life. You have hurt people. You grew up in an area which offered bad options to take and you took them. There are people out there that know what you have done in your past. I have confronted these fears many times over and accepted and forgiven my past. This too is why I am writing because I want to share how past thoughts, past fear can keep us right there stuck in the past and stop us from living in the true moment of Now. Also how acceptance and forgiveness can allow you to move on from the past and create a beautiful life now in this moment with no past or future fears.
As I look around at society today, the society that we have and are creating with our actions every single moment. I won’t lie and say I have fully accepted the choices we are all collectively making. It’s a daily conscious decision. I realise more and more every day that the society we live in today is made up from the foundation of the mind set which is dominant in our world at present. That mind set is predominantly based on fear, lack and negativity. With this awareness we can take charge of our life, implement new actions, and change our programmed engraved habitual mind patterns. Then implement the ones that serve us as individuals, thus collectively creating a vibration of positive energy that will outweigh the negative. And it’s not by focusing on the negative or pointing fingers of blame. It’s by over flowing positivity and love into ourselves that after a while the fear based negative energy has nowhere to breed.
There is nothing to fear as we teach ourselves to fill up the bottle of love through self acceptance and forgiveness.
“The infinite depths of darkness can be sliced open by light.”
-S.Sutton
Comments on this entry are closed.